Mrs Weasley
by Tigers and Dragons
Summary: "I love Mrs Weasley!" A story about alcohol, a wedding night, Mrs Weasley and coitus interuptis. Rated T for swearing and vague sexual references.


**Standard Disclaimer applies**

* * *

><p>It had been building up for months, he realised that now. Ever since he was assigned as Ministry liaison for Philtre Ltd, a leading producer of potion ingredients, and found himself working alongside <em>Her<em>.

Hermione Granger.

But today was the day, the Big Day. The Wedding Day.

She'd been sitting there, right next to him as they ate lunch, (in what he had thought of as an informal date) when she'd begun chattering away about it.

The Wedding.

He'd tried to swallow his hurt and depression, but when she'd turned to him and asked if he would be there, he'd snapped.

"No. Why would I go?"

She'd been taken aback, and had frowned, muttering something about being friends. They'd finished their meal in an uncomfortable silence and gone their separate ways.

He'd tried to stay away from her, but his job and his own irrational need to see her had kept him returning to her office.

And today was the Big Day.

He'd received the invitation in the mail but couldn't bring himself to open it. It was sitting unopened in his desk at home, while he sat in a seedy bar in the outskirts of Glasgow, as far from the happy festivities as possible.

_It's too late to do anything now._ He thought as he threw back another shot. Then an evil smirk crept across his face.

_Or I could ruin the wedding night for the Weasel._

* * *

><p>"I LOVE MRS WEASLEY!"<p>

"Augh! What the bloody hell is that noise?" Ron growled, extremely annoyed at being interrupted from consummating his marriage. His wife groaned, closing her eyes in frustration as Ron stumbled out of bed towards the window.

Muttering darkly, Ron fumbled with the window latch before pushing the window wide open and leaning out to look up and down the road. His eyes narrowed dangerously when he saw who was standing on the pavement outside his house.

"Malfoy? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Malfoy!" Came a confused voice from the bed, as Mrs Weasley crossed the room behind her husband.

Draco grinned up at the Weasel, "There you are, you great red weasel! What's the matter? Having trouble getting it up?"

"Sod off, you prick!" Ron yelled back, "What the hell's got into you?"

"Draco?"

Draco looked over to the other window which had swung open, confusion etched on his face.

"Pansy?" His drunken gaze swung between the two of them before anger overtook him.

"How dare you! Cheating on your own wedding night! I'll kill you both!" He roared, looking around for something to throw at them.

"What are you on about?" Ron demanded angrily, before he dodged a rock flying at his face. He slammed the window shut and rushed over to pull Pansy away from her window. Not a second later, another rock crashed through the window, spraying them with glass.

Pansy squealed and Ron pulled her away from the wall, crossing the room to their bathroom and grabbing his wand.

"No, Ron, don't hurt him!"

"He's trying to kill us!" Ron replied hotly, turning to yell at the vandal outside as something shook the front of the house.

"Please? Ron, he's drunk and he's angry. He's not thinking straight!"

"Well, neither am I!" Ron growled back, suspicion rising.

"Ron, I love you!" Pansy hugged him, reaching up to kiss his lips, "But Draco's one of my oldest friends!"

"Who didn't come to our wedding!" Ron answered back. He snarled again as something wet landed on the roof and ran down the windows, "What the hell is he doing?"

"Maybe Hermione will know what's happening?"

* * *

><p>Hermione had just stepped out of the shower when she heard the charm in her living room sound, announcing an incoming floo. Dressing quickly, she raced through her house toward the fireplace.<p>

"Ron?"

"Hermione! I need you to come here, right now!"

"It's your wedding night!" She squeaked, red from embarrassment, "I shouldn't be there!"

"I know that!" Ron snapped. His head, turned back and he winced, "It's getting desperate, Hermione. I don't know what he'll do next!"

Hermione looked at him completely confused, "What who will do next? Ron, what's going on? Is someone at your house?"

"It's Malfoy!"

"Malfoy is at your house?"

"Yes!" Ron yelled back, "Now would you come here, please?"

Still confused, Hermione grabbed her coat and nodded, "Alright, move aside. I'm coming through."

Stepping out of the fire into Ron's kitchen one second later, Hermione looked around in shock as something exploded outside.

"What's going on?"

"Malfoy's trying to kill us!" Ron answered, pulling Hermione toward the front door.

"Why?"

"I don't know! He turned up and yelled something at the house. Then, when he saw Pansy, he started hurling rocks at us, yelling about cheating and other nonsense!"

"Why would he think you were cheating?" Hermione asked, still confused and a little scared as she started hearing the sounds of fighting outside the house.

"Why don't you ask him?"

* * *

><p>Draco was fighting off three wizards outside, who were trying to stop him from burying the cheating Weasel and his scarlet lady, when the front door opened.<p>

He dodged an attack and sent a stunning charm towards the man, before racing across the road toward the door. He stopped, completely stunned, when he recognized Hermione in the doorway.

"Hermione? By Merlin, don't tell me you were in there too!" Enraged, he hurled a series of vulgar curses up at the window, angrily accusing the weasel of cheating while she was downstairs and ignorant. He was stopped abruptly when Hermione's hand connected with his cheek.

"Draco Malfoy! What is the meaning of this? Attacking innocent people in the middle of the night! I knew you didn't particularly like Ron but that's no excuse to try and bring his house down around his ears! Especially on his wedding night!"

"_His_ house?"

"Yes, his house! The one he shares with Pansy!"

"You knew about them?"

"Of course I knew about them! Everyone knew about them!"

"And you're alright with that?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be? I'm very happy for them!"

"But didn't you marry him today?"

Hermione opened her mouth to retort then shut it when her brain registered what he'd just said. She slapped a hand over it to muffle her laughter. She took several large breaths through her nose, trying not to fall over.

"You, you thought I married Ron?" She gasped.

Realising he was missing something, and growing angry that she was laughing at him, he growled.

"Malfoy, Ron married Pansy today. Didn't you receive the invite?"

With alcohol fogging his brain, Draco bypassed the humiliation that he'd just heaped onto himself, as well as the consequences for his actions, leaping straight to the realisation that the woman he'd been obsessed with for the last few months was standing in front of him. She was within arm's reach, smiling at him and, above all else, single.

Stepping forward, he embraced her and disapparated.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Pansy and <em>_Weasel__, _

("That isn't his name, Draco.")_  
><em>

_Weasley__, _

("Oh, for goodness sake!")_  
><em>

_Ron,_

_I apologize for intruding on you at your home the other night. __I hope you had fun__._

("Draco, you can't write that. Remove it.")

_I'm sorry I interrupted__._

("I don't mean that. And I'm not sorry. Ow! Stop hitting me, woman!")

_I'll fix the damage I caused to your house._

_Hermione is making me write this stupid note._

("They don't need to know that." "But they'll know as soon as they read it." "What was that?" "Nothing!")

_Please accept my apologies and my late wedding gift._

_Sincerely,_

_Draco Malfoy_

* * *

><p>"Happy now?" Draco scowled petulantly as Hermione sealed the letter and attached it to his owl's leg.<p>

"That wasn't so difficult, now was it?" She replied pleasantly, ignoring the frown on his face as she stepped away from the window.

"Wasn't it bad enough you made me clean up the mess I made when we arrived." He whined plaintively, "Without charms!"

"Serves you right." Hermione replied righteously, "You should know not to apparate while inebriated. You could have splinched yourself. And me."

"And your mess."

"I never did like going side-along." She admitted.

"Five thousand galleons." Draco muttered.

"Oh, hush. You can afford it. And you did ruin their night."

"But…"

"And their house."

"I'm paying for that." He grumbled, "Separately. And I'm under house arrest for six months."

"You deserve it. Next time don't go out, get drunk and attack innocent people in their own homes while under false impressions."

Draco still looked annoyed, and Hermione smiled, as she embraced him from behind.

"Don't worry, I'll be here to liven it up."

"Lucky me." He smirked back.


End file.
